While experiencing my first pregnancy I had the humbling experience of being on bedrest for four weeks. While lying for hours at a time I had never been so excited to pee in my life. Walking the short distance to the bathroom and back to the bed was what I looked forward to day after day. Laying in bed became difficult and mundane. I longed to be touched, to be read to, to see another human being poke their head around my bedroom door. I felt like I could get through the long hours when my basic needs were met and when I could look into the eyes of a friend.  

Due to being six months along with my first pregnancy I am waiting in the Doctor’s office for my six months check-up. The nurse pops her head in the room and asks me to undress and put on a dress that resembles a giant napkin. Finally after reading multiple magazines and having my husband awkwardly looking around the room the Doctor knocks on the door and he enters the room. He looks at my chart for an extended period of time as I sit uncomfortable on the examination table. The oversized plastic lined napkin I am wearing is starting to shift as the air conditioner kicks on. Cold air blows on my bare back and I start to get the chills. The exam table paper crinkles under me as I shift from left to right. I stare at the Doctor’s blue socks with his brown strappy sandals. His clothes look worn and his shirt is wrinkled and untucked. I wonder if he is overworked? He looks weary and he carries himself like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He moves the few sparse hairs back with his right hand as he looks me in the eye. “You have preeclampsia and you will need to go on bedrest as soon as you get home.” He calmly says this as if he has said it a thousand times. He explains the danger to my baby, “your blood is not circulating properly in the placenta and it can cause harm to your unborn child. Also your high blood pressure can be dangerous to your heart.” He continues on with a few more  warning signs and he explains a few side effects if it goes untreated. I stammer, “But it’s the fourth of July?” He looks up at me through his glasses and responds with a side smile, “Go enjoy the celebration with your family and then you will need to be laying down to control your blood pressure. You are only allowed to get up to use the bathroom and to take a quick shower.” I have a mixing pot of emotions and questions going on inside of me and I start to think of my immediate future. I am going to be served and waited on, until the middle of August! Is the baby going to be okay? I am still unsure of what is happening to me… I feel fine. I want to be able to celebrate the fourth just like everyone else does. Don’t forget about me! He continues to check me over. He does the standard procedures and then he looks at my swollen feet. He says, “wow, you are extremely swollen. How long have your feet and ankles been like this?” I look at him puzzled while thinking, don’t all women’s feet swell to the size of cantaloupes when they’re pregnant? I wonder if he thinks something else is wrong? I hesitate to say, “They started swelling about the first of June. I can’t seem to find any shoes that fit these things!” He smiles and said, ”You might have to try the men’s section. Do what you have to do to get by.” 

After the office visit I stop into Wal-Mart on my way home from the appointment and I waddle into the shoe section. I start with the women’s flip flops and I feel like Cinderella’s ugly step sister. I shove my feet into a variety of sandals and slippers and I am left defeated. I walk down the men’s aisle and I start at a size nine. The shoes are still too small. I panic and I wonder if my town has a Big and Tall Clothing store nearby? Relieved, I finally find a giant pair of men’s, size twelve (wide) blue elastic-like flip flops beckoning me to pull them from their metal hook. Almost like they had been hanging there for years because no one could possibly wear this big of sandal. I could probably jump in the water and win a water ski competition with these skis for shoes. 

The following weekend is the fourth of July. I sit on the lawn chair and enjoy the beautiful display of fireworks in the night sky. I try to eat all of the food my scrunched up stomach can hold. Heartburn sets in early as I enjoy the cool night air and the last of my freedom. I return home and lounge on the couch as I inspect my swelling feet. I push in on my skin around my ankles and the indents hold their shape for several seconds. I prop them up on the side of the couch and I am somewhat excited to be able to simply rest until the baby comes. 

 The next day I lay in my bed. I stare at the brown paneling. I count the dark brown groves on the wall. Faces and images are appearing out of the designs in the wood. I am restless as I reposition my aching back on my bed. I feel trapped as I look out of my metal double paned windows. I notice a small spider that has spun his web in between the windows. Every detail of my bedroom is magnified as I lay here. I didn’t imagine this ‘bedrest’ to become so cumbersome and long. This is starting to test my patience and I am going to have to endure the long days. I look at my walls again and my eyes are drawn to my enormous closet doors that are so ugly. They cover one whole side of my wall. The doors hang uneven and I am instantly irritated at my situation. I am sacrificing my sanity for the health of my unborn baby. This is miserable! This is going to be the longest 8 weeks of my life and I have only just begun.  

I have never laid in a bed for this amount of time. Loneliness is beginning to sink in as I lay on my bed day after day. My mom is a bright spot in my day as she fixes me healthy and nutritious food. Homemade pizza with fresh slices of pineapple. Fresh produce from the garden is washed and carefully prepared and served to me. I crave watermelons so bad right now. My mom has become a pro at slicing off the rind of the melon and chopping them into even squares. Before she goes home she always leaves me with a cold bag of melons in the fridge. The melons are like butter to my bread, marinara to my pasta, and hot fudge to my ice cream. I CANNOT live without the red juicy sweet melon! The cool fruit helps with the intense summer heat in my hot aluminum single wide. My mom is heaven sent as she helps in the kitchen, makes me delicious meals, and tidies up the house. 

My back is killing me and I cannot get relief from laying flat or propped up on some lumpy cheap old pillows. A friend is going to drop by and bring some chiropractic wedges that I can lay on and relieve some back pain. I can’t wait until her and her husband stop in. I want to see other people and have a face to face conversation. They knock on my bedroom door and I watch them walk around to my side of the bed with the bulky wedges. I take in their smiles and I long for them to stay a while and be with me. The Dr. said to be careful with visitors because there is danger in my blood pressure escalating. They ask a few questions and then they walk away knowing that they could be the reason my blood pressure increases.  

I am so bored I have read the People Magazine a thousand times and I would give anything for this to be over. The mornings aren’t so bad because there is the morning bathroom break, breakfast, and a soothing shower. The hot afternoons are harder because the sun shines bright into my bedroom and heats up this little tin can. I look outside and I can see my grass needs mowed and my garden is needing to be harvested. I want to be able to do my own yard work and pick my own vegetables but I am chained to this big bed. Mom busies around me and takes care of my basic needs and she makes sure everything is in order.

Today the afternoon is especially lonely. I toss and turn on my back and I cannot wait until the torture of being isolated is over. My in-laws came yesterday to blanch and freeze all of my broccoli. It was good to see them and laugh a little bit. I am really struggling today. My husband works long hours and I am dejected to this neutral muted back bedroom. I start to gain a small understanding of what people with disabilities feel like. I have empathy for the elderly shut away in distant halls in a nursing home. Loneliness just eats at you until you feel so hollow and empty.   

In the distance I hear a knock on the door as I slumbered off to another boring nap. I quickly open my eyes and I see my neighbors from down the road. My whole body brightens with the prospect of visitors. They ask, “Can we come in and visit for a minute?” I retorted, “Please come and sit for several hundred minutes.” My neighbor says, “We brought you something!” “Oooh, what is it?” I said. She pulls out a double layer white cake frosted with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. I am so happy I could cry. “Wow, you thought about me today and you brought this to me?” My eyes are brimming with tears. I try to choke back my emotions. I couldn’t believe that someone would spend their whole afternoon baking a cake for me. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I couldn’t wait to dig into the deliciousness that sat before me. 

Later that afternoon my mom walked back into my bedroom, “Dari would you like me to paint your toes?” I felt like I hadn’t been touched for weeks. I had laid there in complete boredom day after day. I usually didn’t use polish very much because it was too much upkeep. I was up for the idea and I got a hint of energy when she made such a thoughtful suggestion. I said, “Sure, let’s do it!” Mom sat at the foot of my bed and the moment she touched my toes I felt a feeling of love surge through my body. I had missed touching and being touched by other people. She rubbed my feet and left the room with my toes painted prettier than they had ever been painted before.  

At this time, I look back to those people in my life and think of the different ways that they served me. The chiropractic wedges changed my sitting position and it made me more comfortable. It was the conversation, the thoughtfulness, and the service that brought me happiness in a lonely time. I can’t recall how my neighbor’s cake tasted that day but I will never forget the way it made me feel. Love and warmth spread throughout my whole body when I realized I hadn’t been forgotten when they showed up at my bedroom door. Although my mom had painted my toes bright red (a color I despise on myself) it was her touch and the time she spent with me that helped me get through a difficult afternoon. She could have slopped the bright red polish all over my toes and it still would have been the prettiest painted toes there ever were.   

At last, my basic needs were met when I was going through a difficult time. I spent four weeks on bedrest and my baby was delivered four weeks early. When I arrived home from the hospital I had to go back on bed rest for another two weeks. A clean house, cakes, wedges, watermelon and prepared food helped me to get through being a first time mom. 

Here are some things that I learned through someone serving me. Maybe you could give them a try: 

1. Touch: Touching someone who is alone is so important to their well-being. A hug, a pat on the back or holding someone’s hand can make a big difference in someone’s life. It can be the bridge that helps them carry through a difficult experience. 
2. Pick up the slack for someone: I was so worried about my garden, my yard, feeding myself, and keeping my house clean. I had a team of wonderful people who picked up the slack for me. This helped keep my blood pressure low and helped me safely deliver my first baby. Just a tip: I didn’t need long term care. I only needed someone to help me get through a rough patch. If someone needs long term care please reach out to resources that can help you. (family, community, professionals, church etc…)
3. Basic needs: If we don’t have our basic needs met then nothing else matters. We can struggle with mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of our lives if we are in survival mode. Kindly check to see if someone is in need of food, heat, and clothing when we are helping and serving others. Help them take care of basic needs first and then assess physiological needs, next make sure they are being loved, and then help build their character, and finally help them reach their full potential.  

Resources: 

https://www.dignityhealth.org/articles/facts-about-touch-how-human-contact-affects-your-health-and-relationships

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/maslow-hierarchy-needs#:~:text=Maslow%20argued%20that%20the%20failure,die%20or%20become%20extremely%20ill.