Listening to the spirit is kind of like a well-known recipe that you have lost the instructions to. You know the basics but you are constantly tweaking ingredients to make it just a little bit better. Sometimes the recipes turn out amazing and other times it is absolutely awful. At least this has been my relationship with listening to the Holy Spirit. I have had experiences in my life where I feel like I’ve got it perfected. Other times I feel like I am starting back at square one again. Listening to the spirit takes work, effort, and the ability to put ourselves in places where we can hear Him.

It has been brought to my attention that within my 25 years of marriage sometimes families don’t mix. It is not just ‘my family’ or ‘my husband’s family’ It’s families across the board. Families are often similar to the old proverb, “oil and vinegar don’t mix.” You can shake the bottle as much as you like but the conflicting ingredients still separate themselves to where they are the most comfortable.

We are gathering at the church in ten minutes for Brittons baptism. He turned eight last month and has chosen to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s kind of a crazy day for me because I am the family stylist, wardrobe adviser, party planner, program designer, music coordinator, pianist, speech specialist, public relations manager, photographer, caterer, maid, launderer, host, special event cleaning service, financial planner, and finally the emotional therapist. These events are S-T-R-E-S-S-FU-L-L on me because I want every finite detail to be flawless.  

As a side note- as you continue reading… I will also become the nurse- kind of a stupid one-but nonetheless the family nurse.  

Next, my children all glide into the stake center with every piece of hair glued in place and every dress and tie coordinating with complementary colors (okay- seriously… not really!). Our families exchange a quick glance at each other (the territorial kind), there are a few handshakes being exchanged, and everyone keeps the stereotypical chit chat to a minimum. The relief society room is set up with a hard line down the middle. My family dashes to the right of the line and my husband’s family darts to the left.

Clearly this is a little comical but it’s just kind of how it’s always been. Sometimes when I visit other family functions (other than my own) I can see the hard line drawn and I like to mix things up a bit. Maybe sit at a table that is another family’s dominion or break into a conversation that I was obviously not a part of. I double tap someone’s shoulder and ask, “Hey guys-What were you talking about?” They all look at me in annoyance because they have to repeat the whole scenario. Family circles are tight! I can only shake the proverbial ‘bottle of oil and vinegar’ for so long until somebody redirects me back to my own kind with their exclusive cold shoulder.    

At this time Sidnee is next up to give the opening talk on the Holy Ghost, and then Britton’s sisters are on the program to sing a musical number as I direct them with my eyeballs from the back of the room sitting at the piano. At last Britton is baptized. The room fills with a special spirit as he comes up from the water and is confirmed with the Holy Ghost. At least I think it was filled with a special spirit-I am too worried about pictures and lunch to really feel much of anything.  

Everyone scatters to their hotels, our home, or heaven forbid their cars to do a quick change of clothes. I quickly gather my children after a few superficial smiles for the camera and we race home to spread out the smorgasbord of sandwiches, fruit, chips, and brownies. Later that evening we plan for a dip at the hot pools in Hagerman and a snack tray for the remainder of the company. 

The next day is Sunday and we reserve the first two benches towards the front of the chapel. Which is another family debate which we will save that for another blog- (front row vs. back row families) 

 Both of our families squeeze into two and a half rows. Sidnee is close to the outside of the first row. She looks at me and says, “Mom, I don’t feel good. Can I go home?” I laser focus my eyes on her, “What do you mean? We have company! What’s wrong?” (as if a major family event or company is going to stop the stomach flu- right?!) She holds her arm across her stomach, “I feel like I am going to throw up.” I look down, shake my head, and let out a large sigh. I take a moment to think. Why is it that at every ordinance or baptism someone is sick? “Okay-I will run you home really quick.” I excuse myself from the inside of the bench and I take Sid home. 

Once she is at home she crawls in bed with a bucket next to her bedside. I touch her forehead to see if she has a fever and I make sure she has everything she needs and then I hurry back to church. I am grateful that she is old enough to take care of herself and I can deal with everything else this weekend. 

Church is over and everyone returns to the house and waits for lunch to be set out so they can get on the road before it gets too late. Finally I am able to get everyone fed and our family starts to disperse. Sidnee emerges from her bedroom and she gives me the count on how many times she has thrown up. She says, “I don’t feel good mom. My stomach really hurts.” I look at her and give her a side hug, “I’m so sorry Sid. Sometimes the stomach flu can be really yucky.” She waves goodbye to her aunt and she goes down to her room. The afternoon quickly goes by and we are now preparing for bed. Sid continues to have abdominal pain and symptoms of the stomach flu. I lay in bed thinking she should be able to sleep tonight and get some rest and she will be feeling much better in the morning. As Alan and I lay in bed discussing the baptism and the weekend Alan’s phone lights up with a text that reads, “Dad, My stomach really hurts. Please come downstairs and give me a blessing.” I continue to lay in bed as Alan throws on some shorts and walks down the stairs to her room. 

Not only am I exhausted from the weekend of company but I also have Sid on my mind. My room is dark and I lay alone in my king sized bed. I start to worry about Sid’s pain in her stomach. I brush the feeling aside. It’s just the stomach flu- she will be fine. She is old enough to get herself to the bathroom. Alan comes up about an hour later after giving her a priesthood blessing and laying beside her. I asked him, ”How is she?” He says, “I don’t know…She said her stomach is in a lot of pain. I laid with for a while and then she fell asleep.” I drift off to sleep and just before I enter the dark abyss in my mind and I slumber off to a deep sleep there is a word that appears in my mind in black bold letters against a white background- A P P E N D I X.  It stays imprinted on the frontal lobe of my brain. Almost like it is staring back at me. I erase the words from my mind, I roll over, and I once again reassure myself that my daughter will wake up feeling much better in the morning. 

The next morning Sidnee is still not feeling well. I assess the situation and I tell her to come up and lay in my bed so I can keep a close eye on her. She continues to throw up throughout the day. In the evening she starts to feel a little bit better. My worries and concerns lift a little bit because I feel like she is on the mend. Whatever stomach bug she has it is definitely a 48 hour doozy. I exhale and let out my own pent up unease that has been building since yesterday.

The following morning she is not bouncing back like I had anticipated. I expected her to feel better and have a little bit of energy restored. I look at her eyes and they are a little sunken and the light in her face is still dim. This is interesting and not a typical flu. I search my homeopathic knowledge and I look at what oils I have. At full tilt I drive to the nearest walgreens and I stock up on anything that could relieve the stomach flu.

When I return home I walk to my room and Sid is just sitting up. She is struggling to move her legs out of my bed. She walks slowly to the bathroom. She is bent over and she is limping. I ask, “Sid why aren’t you standing up straight? She responds slowly, “I don’t know I can’t walk very well. I have a pain in my abdomen above my right leg.” After she comes out of the bathroom I sit her down in one of the kitchen chairs, “I have tried everything possible. I am not sure what is wrong with you but I think we need to take you over to the Dr. ‘s.” She slowly nods and gets her shoes on to walk out to the car. The car ride to the clinic was excruciating. Every bump she cries out in pain. I slow the car down and I know for sure something is not right inside of her. I feel horrible that I waited this long to have her looked at. 

Following the thorough check up the Dr. comes in and gives us two explanations. He says, “She could have a burst appendix or she could also have an issue with her female organs. I am not sure what it is. Let’s get her over to the ER and have her checked out.” I ask, ”Give me numbers. What percentage of your diagnosis do you think could be related to her ovaries?” He counters, ”I think it could be 70% related to her ovaries. Possibly 30-40% a burst appendix. I am not able to really tell without a scan. Let’s get her checked out and feeling better. You head over to the ER and I will let them know you’re on your way.”  

 I sit in the sterile hospital room as Sidnee lays in the hospital bed made with layers of white sheets. She is smiling and chatting with the nurse. Her pain has subsided. I second guess my earlier feelings. I think she just had a really bad flu and I believe maybe we jumped the gun on coming to the ER. I am considering helping her up and we can quietly slip out of here. 

A powerful thought appears in my head except this time it is a thought and a feeling that I feel all over my body. “She is going to be okay.” I almost respond out loud, “I know. That is why I want to just take her home.” Moments later the ER Doctor shows up with the results of her CT scan and  a concerned look on his face. “She has a burst appendix. We have a couple of other patients with this same issue but your daughter’s appendix ruptured a couple of days ago and she is in critical condition. We are preparing her for surgery as soon as possible.” I almost laugh out loud. I just had a feeling that she was going to be fine. I responded, “She is feeling better. Are you sure?” He returns my gaze, “When an appendix bursts it can mimic the stomach flu and there can be a lot of abdominal pain. After it bursts the patient starts to feel better and that is when it becomes really critical. Your daughter needs to go to surgery as soon as we can get ready.”  

Sid’s surgery lasts twice as long as it was scheduled for. The surgeon walks into the waiting room with a tired look on his face. He reports, “it was a difficult procedure because there was so much infection spread throughout her abdomen. I hope that I got everything but I am not sure.” 

Subsequently, Sidnee struggled with her appendix for another two years. She initially spent two weeks in the hospital and then was transferred to a larger hospital for several more days. Specialists took over her care and she eventually healed after multiple Dr.’s visits and an additional surgery.

Overall hindsight is 20/20 right? Yes! I think back to receiving communication from the spirit several times. At the time the spirit probably could have hit me over the head with a bat and I would’ve just drifted off to sleep when I saw the word APPENDIX written in my mind. I have never had a prompting ever before or since that had the exact problem spelled out in my subconscious. I could save Sidnee a lot of pain, surgeries, medications, and long hospital stays if I only had listened to the spirit the night she had severe abdominal pain.

The second time I felt the spirit strongly speak to me was in the ER. I knew she was ‘going to be okay’. I had thought a lot about that feeling and phrase as I sat in her hospital room day after day especially when things became extremely difficult for Sid and our family. I needed to have a witness of some sort that she was going to make it out alive. Here are some of the things that she experienced:

• She had several abscesses that needed drains put inserted into her side. 
• Long needles were inserted into her lungs to withdraw fluid.
• They prescribed her with multiple antibiotics -’just in case’.
• She came home on a PICC line for 6 weeks and we administered her medicine around the clock.
• Her surgeon wanted to remove a section of her lung.  
• The specialist had never had a patient so far out on the bell curve.
• The nurses begged us to move her to another hospital for different treatment. 
• She had a second surgery to remove the tip of her appendix that had re-attached to her intestines. (because there was so much infection they had not removed all of the appendix during the first surgery)
• She experienced multiple pokes, CT scans, x-rays, pain, nausea, and loss of hope.

For days I hung onto that whispering from the Spirit in the ER room – ‘she is going to be okay.’  

At last, so much pain could have been avoided if I had listened to the spirit the night that her appendix had burst. When I saw those bold black letters in my mind I should have taken action. Maybe I was a little bit worn out and distracted from the previous weekend. I should have focused on listening to what was most important. I dismissed the divine guidance that was clear and apparent to my daughter’s health. I realized that even though I did not listen to the first prompting of the Holy Spirit not all was lost. I was blessed with a second prompting from the spirit and I was re-assured that at some point Sidnee would be okay.  

Here are three things you can try to become a better listener to the Holy Spirit: 

1. Be worthy to receive the promptings of the Spirit. 
2. Frequently pray and study scripture. 
3. Put yourself in holy places and among holy people.  

 Where is Sid now? She is serving a proselyting mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Charleston, West Virginia mission. She plans to finish her degree in law when she returns home in 2024. Through her experiences she gained empathy for others who suffer, she learned how to hang onto hope, and she learned to endure. She also learned to value nurses who gave her amazing care, Surgeons that saved her life, and family and friends that showed up for her.   

Resources: 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2017/04/let-the-holy-spirit-guide?lang=eng#p34

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/25stevenson?lang=eng#title1